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In Modesto, California, Susan Murphy is going to be married to weatherman Derek Dietl. Just before the ceremony, a meteorite from a destroyed planet strikes her and its radiation is absorbed into her body. Though she appears unharmed at first, during the ceremony, the energy causes Susan's hair to turn white, and turn her into a 50 foot-tall giantess, destroying a church in the process. Soon, a U.S. military detachment tranquilizes and captures her. Susan awakens in a top-secret government facility that houses monsters, where she meets General W.R. Monger, the Army officer in charge of the facility and her fellow monster inmates: Dr. Cockroach Ph.D., a scientist who became half-human, half-cockroach after an experiment gone wrong; B.O.B. (Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate), a brainless and living indestructible mass of blue goo that is a result of a food flavoring mutation; Insectosaurus, a massive bug mutated by nuclear radiation standing 350 feet in height that attacked Tokyo; and the Missing Link, a prehistoric 20,000-year-old macho fish-ape hybrid who was thawed from deep ice by scientists. Susan is renamed Ginormica" by the government and is forbidden any contact with her friends and family.
And while I never like to revel in another\u2019s misfortune, I do feel Ed is deserving of this one for everything he\u2019s subjected us to. Specifically that adult coloring book collection of tattoos.
Now this. This is where things start to get a little dicey for me in the newsletter today. Obviously, I am thoroughly delighted that The Lohanaissance is finally fully upon us, and I want nothing more than her to cash this Pepsi check in perpetuity, but what the hell is going on here. Is \u201CPilk\u201D a real thing? Am I missing out on some incredible taste treat? And even IF it is and I am, what does any of this have to do with LiLo aside from some vague Mean Girls reference (in which case make the costume more accurate)? And much like with Kate Moss becoming Diet Coke\u2019s creative director, does it not seem like they are once again missing out on the incredible opportunity to make a joke about giving up coke years ago? I\u2019m sure that\u2019s radically too edgy for these mega corporations, but it would also be the most viral thing they\u2019ve ever done. While everyone has been clamoring for Lindsey\u2019s return to the spotlight, it feels like now that they\u2019ve got her, no one quite knows what they\u2019re supposed to be doing with her.
As though unleashing yet another season of Emily in Paris upon the masses wasn\u2019t enough of a sartorial shock to the system, Lily Collins doubled-down on the visual offense at the show\u2019s premiere in this Saint Laurent look. As I said on Twitter, right away, this pussy ruffle is a non-starter for me. But that\u2019s actually the least of this dress\u2019s problems. The stomach safety harness and the droopy chest knot really takes away from the power of this silhouette, and the color washes her out completely. The makeup artist who chose to give her a brown lip to match is downright sinister, as is the hairstylist who thought this barely-there wave would be a nice pairing. I also believe that Lily has fallen victim to the Kim K giantess fantasy because this is actually an outfit built for a much taller woman. This Saint Laurent collection was very much designed with an 80s glamazon aesthetic in mind, drawing on Helmut Newton and Mugler\u2019s concept of the power bitch. And I\u2019m sorry, but you can\u2019t spell glamazon without amazon, and 5\u20195\u201D is simply not going to cut it.
But mostly I bring this up because we gotta talk about The Shape of Water makeup going on here. I could not believe my eyes the first time I got a gander at this amphibious brow ridge. While it is a logical evolution of the alien bleached brow trend and Rita is known to live on the bleeding edge of the zeitgeist, this is out of left field even for her. But once I realized this was all an Isamaya Ffrench production pegged to the release of her new makeup collection, it all suddenly made perfect sense. Isamaya is known for this futuristic, out-there beauty aesthetic and prothesis. And while I think she\u2019s an incredible artist and I very much enjoy the vision, I just wish it had more cohesion with the actual outfit Rita\u2019s wearing. I feel like lately, especially as the thrill of scandalous dressing wanes, we\u2019ve been getting a lot more avant garde beauty for avant garde beauty\u2019s sake without a lot of consideration for how it works in dialogue with the overall look and the rest of the choices being made. 1e1e36bf2d